If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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