Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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