Christians are straight up FREAKS
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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