i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ugly people sure do ruin things
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
