i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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