Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
