They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
