It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
