I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's get the cat blown out
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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