I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
