fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
