if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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