I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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