I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize