Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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