dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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