he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
