Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
