you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
