you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
