Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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