Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
