Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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