they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
