my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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