What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
