I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
