I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize