we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
