I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
