i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
