You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize