3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
