yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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