i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
