My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
