Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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