Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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