Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
