i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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