I will die if light touches me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
