he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
