Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
