There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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