piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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