The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize