I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
