The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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