Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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