who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
