that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
