my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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