I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
