I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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