Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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