You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's blow job season.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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