I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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