so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
