GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
