I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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