my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i think my cat just said my name.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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