just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize