Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
