my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I still have a little drunk in my system
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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