Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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