Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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