I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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