i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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