Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
