sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
