arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
