maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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