I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
