White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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