We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
