god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
